The one that got away

Have you ever had someone like this that was in your life at some point? From time to time a swell of memories comes flooding into my head about a certain person who I can't help but feel was the epitome of this in my life.

It was when I decided to go back to school and get my degree in Film about 6 years ago. She was a classmate. To say she was shy would be an understatement. This girl was downright introverted. I found out that we both had a mutual love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and so I got to know her. From that point we would always group up together on projects and did a lot of extracurricular things together like going out to eat.

I fell so hard for this girl. I wanted her so bad but I never expressed it to her. Mostly because I never knew if she felt the same way. Because of her shyness it was extremely hard to get a reading on it. We would go to movies together and even went to Universal Studio's Halloween Horror Nights together but I never made "the" move. I did not know if she did these things out of just being friends or because she may have wanted more. I was afraid to go for it because if I was wrong then I did not want to make it awkward for us in school after that.

Although it wasn't a large issue for me, I also was concerned because there was a substantial age gap for us. She was 19 and I had just turned 30 and also have a daughter who would have been 6 at this time. A part of me also believed she would never want to be romantically involved with such an older guy.

So we went through all of school the closest of friends and partners in school without ever finding out. Come our final day I said goodbye to her and that we'll stay in touch. I came so close to just asking her and finding out for sure but I decided not to because I would have hated myself for not doing something if she had felt something for me.

I now have lost contact with her. She lived in Miami and I still lived here in the Orlando area. She is still a friend of mine on her Facebook but she has not used it in years. I messaged her to say hi a few times but there was never a reply.

I would give anything to be able to go back and get the balls to do something. If it wasn't meant to be then it would have had to be awkward. I just wish I would have known. Deep, deep down I truly think she liked me as much as I did her. I can still picture her face and see her smile and hear her laugh. She would wear the same hoodie every day and I still see the cute way she would keep her hands inside her sleeves.

I have looked for her over the internet a few times but with no luck. I would love to be able to find her and see her again.

What about anyone reading this? Have you ever had someone in your life that you wanted so bad but never made the move and let them get away?

Plus what do you think? Should I have made the move and done something or do you think from what I've said, that she was just a friend and that is all.

If by chance you read this, I still think about you all the time Laura.